Check Your Breasts!!!!

It's October again....and it's time to save the boobs :) Breast cancer awareness is does not end after this month. Ladies, check your breasteses regularly. S/N breast cancer is NOT limited to women, men can get it too. Early detection is key, so make sure to get your screening. Most importantly, know your body and check the breasteses!!

Prayers, love and blessings to those who lost the fight, those still fighting and those who won. 

PLEASE SUPPORT THE CAUSE!! PLEASE SUPPORT THE CAUSE!!

~I'm the Boss Lady~

A Smiling Face Is A Beautiful Face

Laughter is the one language we all understand

It's Friday and I'm just happy for no particular reason. I'm grateful to be here and woke up with a big ol' smile on my face. We get so wrapped up in the daily grind that we forget to appreciate the little things and we go around mean mugging for no damn reason. Laughter is the best medicine for all things. Whenever I need my spirits lifted, I watch this little fella. CUTEST. BABY. EVER!

I love love love kids and their innocence, when they smile and laugh, it's straight from the heart and pure. No motives, no agenda....just sheer joy. So smile and laugh, it cleanses the soul. Happy Friday!

~I'm the Boss Lady~

For Better Or For Worse, In Sickness And In Health?

I'm not a Christian, so when I get married I won't stand in a church reciting the traditional wedding vows. That doesn't mean that I don't believe in what the vows stand for: COMMITMENT. Regardless of which religious beliefs you subscribe to, marriage is a commitment. I've written before that people get married for a number of different reasons, but lets just say for the sake of argument that people marry for love. The story Disney has used to brainwash little girls for ages boy meets girl, they fall in love and get married story.  And they stay true to their wedding vows, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do them part. Beautiful.

Almost like a contract, right? And by signing the marriage certificate, you've closed the deal. The contract is legally, morally and ethically binding. That's what I've always believed anyway, but I guess some see it differently. I was watching TV last night about a woman whose husband got paralyzed due to a serious car accident 12 years into their marriage. He was just 36 years. He suffered severe brain damage and was hospitalized for quite some time to recover. Fast forward 7 years and the couple are now divorced. The wife, well ex-wife, is living in their house with their three kids and the husband is in an institution.

See, at that point I had to stop myself from giving a major side-eye and try my bestest (yes I made it a word) not to judge. I wanted to hear her story. She said the reason she decided to share her story is mainly because of people's judgment and how she's perceived as a bad woman and wife. Her argument is that her husband got severe brain damage which completely disabled him, physically and mentally. She felt like she couldn't care for him and at the same time take care of their 3 kids, so divorcing him and put him in an institution was her only choice. She wants us to understand the pain of having to make such a decision and how much she loves him still and always will. Oh, and she asked him if he was mad at her and he said no, he had no resentment towards her. At this point I was side-eying the hell out of her. Uhmmm, ma'am what the hell did you expect him to say????

And then she got the nerve the show their wedding pictures and how happy they were, talking about she never expected that life would turn out the way it did. It's not my place to judge but I reserve the right to side-eye her and make the stank booty face, but isn't that a breach of contract??? You stood in front of God, family, and friends and PROMISED to stay by his side for better and for worse, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, till death do you part. No??? So correct me if I'm wrong, but there were no clauses in the CONTRACT that bypassed the till death do you part part, were there?? Sooooo.....?? In other words you lied your azz off on church. Now that things got to the 'for worse' and 'in sickness' part, you bailed. You put him in an institution to be taken care of by strangers. I guess that's the part I have a problem with. This is Norway, one of the wealthiest countries in the world.....it aint the U.S. Her choices would've made more sense if she was living in the U.S. where it's all about the money, but Norway??

She can slice and dice it front to back, I think she's wrong. I guess it's easy to pass judgement cuz you can't possibly know what she's going through, but..... lets say she was a single mother with 3 kids and one of the kids got in a serious accident and was severely injured like the husband. Would she put the kid in an institution because she doesn't have the capacity to take of the disabled kid and the other kids because it would drain her??  


~I'm the Boss Lady~

Another Brotha Gone: R.I.P Troy Davis

"....one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all." This is the biggest lie fed to children in the f*cked up states of America. There sure as hell was no justice for Troy Davis.

I don't support the death penalty, even though there are crimes so heinous that it's beyond comprehension and where a person is guilty beyond reasonable doubt. However, the system is too flawed. Too many people, especially black and brown people are on death row because the system failed. 

The state of Georgia executed Davis last night. His last words before he was injected were: "The incident that night was not my fault, I did not have a gun…I did not personally kill your son, father and brother. I am innocent." And his last words to those who killed him: "May God have mercy on your souls, may God bless your souls."

The Macphail family says justice had finally been served. Yeah, may God have mercy on their "christian" souls too.

~I'm the Boss Lady~

Afrika Stand Up!!!

The 2011 Miss Universe pageant took place in Sao Paulo, Brazil on Monday, and 25 year old Leila Lopes from Angola was crowned Miss Universe!!! Whoop-whooooop! The stunning beauty is the second Black African woman to have won the title.

Apparently, her response to the interview question sealed the deal for her. She was asked which physical trait she would change if she could. She responded:

"Thank God I’m very satisfied with the way God created me and I wouldn’t change a thing, I consider myself a woman endowed with inner beauty. I have acquired many wonderful principles from my family and I intend to follow these for the rest of my life."

YES YES YES!!! End of story, huh? Nope! You know there's always some salty azz loser who's gonna say some shyt. According to International Business Times, Miss France was surprised by Lopes' win. Her style wasn't all that coz she wore jeans most of the time and hardly any makeup at all. WHAT??? Oh, and she was reserved and kept to herself. But the best part??? LOL she said the fact that the pageant was held in Brazil plays a role in Lopes' win as Angola is also a former Portuguese colony. Wait what???!! She said that in all seriousness.

Miss France ima need you to shut the fvck up and have several seats. Sore azz loser!!! That bullshyt is crazy and you've proven yourself a bigot. Go kill yourself!!

~I'm the Boss Lady~   

Yes, I'm Judging You For Smoking While Pregnant!!!!

Ya know what, I think there should a license to procreate. No, really! I came over an article where this lady is saying that she can't quit smoking even though she's pregnant and is well aware of the risks. Oh, and she feels that people are judging her and looking down on her. She just can't put them away.....really??? Major side-eye >>>>

Come on son, it aint that serious! If you want to put 4000 chemicals in your body that's all fine and dandy, but the minute you decide to carry a baby you have to stop! Yes, I'm judging your azz. You can't quit for nine lousy months? I've seen pregnant women with cigarettes and I always make the stank booty face and get all judgmental and shyt. I don't give a damn shyt what your excuses are, coz there aint shyt you can tell me that would justify you exposing your innocent baby to nicotine and carbon monoxide and more than 60 other cancer-causing compounds. Are you serious??? That's some super selfish mess, and you've already proven that you can't be a good mother. You can kick rocks!  

~I'm the Boss Lady~

The Day That Changed Norway

It's August 22., a month since that tragic day when a crazy muthafucka bombed the Norwegian government quarter and shot innocent kids at Utøya. I was on the interstate somewhere in Mississippi on my way to ATL when I got a text from a friend asking me if I heard the news about the bombing in Oslo. I was like WTF?!!? Bombing in Oslo? HELL NAW! I quickly got online through the phone and the headlines were just unreal. "Norway under attack". I think my heart stopped for a minute. The first thing that came to mind was that I have to call my brother who works in Oslo. I talked to him and he was on his way home, thankfully he hadn't been downtown that day. I quickly went on Facebook to check that friends and loved ones were ok. Everyone had updated their statuses to let other people know they were fine.

I started writing this blog post 2 days after the attack, but my mind went blank every time I started writing. I couldn't get down one single word, although I had a million swirling in my head. I guess I was trying to comprehend this whole tragedy. The fact that it happened here in Norway, one of the most peaceful places in the world, is unbelievable. I used to live 10 minutes from the government quarters.....just thinking about it makes my stomach turn. I have so many thoughts about this, but that's for another post.

My heart and prayers go out to everyone that has lost someone, to the survivors, and directly anyone affected. I was at the church downtown to show my respect for the victims. Seeing all those roses and letters and people made me tear up for real. And I thank God every day that I didn't lose a loved one. May their souls rest in peace.

~I'm the Boss Lady~

People Watching At Heathrow Airport

Blah! I'm stuck at Heathrow Airport, London for 5 freaking hours waiting for my flight to ATL. I hate waiting, for real. I decided to sit as close to a bathroom as possible knowing my little-azz bladder. I've been here 2.5 hours and already been to the bathroom 3 times!! Hm....maybe I should ease up on the liquids...and the internet is sooooooooo sloooooooooow *sigh*. I don't even know why I thought that I could stream movies. Can't even listen to Spotify. Whatevuuurrr, people watching is way much better.

I'm looking mighty fly on this wonderful first day of July, got my make-up popping and heels clicking lol. WTF is up with many sistas cutting their eyes at another sista. Like really girl?? WTF did I do you? I'm so sick and tired of this mess. I mean, can I get a smile or  the universal negro nod? And even when I try to smile these heffas just mean mug or look like they smelled some doo doo.

Aaaawwww, there's the most charming little boy trying to run from his mama lol. He looks about 1.5 years, but he can use those short legs! And he's flirting with any female in his vicinity. Aaawww....lol why is this young lady walking around in 5" heels carrying a huge-azz handbag?? Looks stupid as hell. Dang, I'm hungry but I don't wanna lose my spot if I get up to go fill my belly.

Americans....smh you can spot them anywhere. And the Jamaicans....I've said it before and I'll say it again, Jamaicans are the Naijas of the Carribean. They act the exact same way - yeah I said it! lol I love them though. I'm really craving Starbucks latte now. LOL I know ol' dude must feel his sweaty armpits?? No bueno, man. And grandpa looking like Chester the molester needs to take his shades off, got me wondering if he's looking at little kids behind the glasses....o_O

Aaawww, Chinese people are so ...polite! Ewwww, Chester the molester is giving me the look...ok, enough rambling. Ima go pee yet again, get a vanilla latte, and a salad...in that order. Yay, under 2 hours till take-off!!!

~I'm the Boss Lady~

The Gambian Cultural Week: A Catwalk For Walking Fashion Disasters!

Photo: ethicalgambia.com

Any Gambian living in Scandinavia knows what July in Oslo means. Yuuuuup, THE GAMBIAN CULTURAL WEEK!! This year is even extra special as the Cultural Week is celebrating it's 25th anniversary. Brace yourselves, coz it's about to go down!!! LOL I simply can't wait for the dvds to come out so I can get a good laugh. Watching the cultural week is pure comedy, lemme tell ya. And it gets worse every year. Just when I think I've seen the worst fashion disasters, someone always manages to top the previous year's fragganacle and take it all the way out.

The thing is, I used to love the annual cultural week. It's literally a whole week with parties and gatherings with my people, it was supa fun. I think it stopped being fun for me about 5-6 years ago when it turned into a week long fashion parade. Why the fvck are we tryna compete with each other? I don't get it....Now it has become a see-and-be-seen event, where especially the women go all out with the outfits. It's all about the outfits now, designer dresses and purses and all the bling-bling that would make a Snoop Dogg video look boring. But the cherry on top, the crème de la crème is the make-up and hair dos. LOL I'm even chuckling while typing this. I done seen pictures that would highly qualify for www.youknowyoudeadazzwrong.com, or better yet www.hotghettomess.com. 


There's too much rachet fvckery going on, besides the fashion disasters parading around. This is the time for the "playas" to prey on the young girls. And when I say girls...I mean little girls. 17-18 year old kids thinking they're grown. And these men, and I use that term very loosely, have no shame in their game. See, these so-called playas chase younger and younger girls, I guess cuz they realize that older women know they're losers so instead they'll rap some foolish game to the youngins. And why the hell are the parties filled with these little girls anyway? I went to the youth parties up until I was 20-21, while the youth parties these days consists of babies down to 11! Times sure have changed.....but I digress.


Back to the ratchedness. LOL this is NOT how it's done, my sistas.
Exhibit A:

Your eyebrows are supposed to look NATURAL! That means either black or brown, not red or purple. It looks crazy and ridicules, please stop it!  





Exhibit B:

*sigh* I love make-up, I really do. And I like experimenting with colors too. However, I like my make-up to enhance my features, not look like the rainbow exploded on my face. You don't have to use ALL the colors on your palette at the same time or match each and every color in your outfit. I know we love colorful and shiny shyt, but damn!


And third, but definitely not least, the hair. I aint even gonna get into the fvcked up skin bleaching coz that's a whole 'nother post on its own. Ladies: purple, red, orange or fire-engine red are NOT appropriate highlight colors for the wig/weave, especially if you're over the age of 15. STOP IT! And your hair color is definitely not supposed to match your outfit. No lie, last year there was a lady with purple in her hair to match her purple dress, purple purse, and shoes. LOL I understand color coordinating, but that shyt is not what's hot in the streets.

For this year's 25th anniversary I know the fashionistas and label hoes are gonna take it all out. There's nothing wrong with designer clothes if you can afford it, but the sad thing is many of these label h*es are living waaay beyond their means. Why are you tryna stunt on me when errybody knows that your boyfriend/husband is a drug dealer? So your money is supposed to impress me? Girl, sit yo azz down cuz I aint impressed at all. You can always tell the ones who try too damn hard, they're always trying to outshine the elegant and classy ladies. Yup, can't wait to watch this entertainment.

~I'm the Boss Lady~

Are You In Tune With Your Star Player?

You are your star playa

Mini-Me and I were discussing female stuff while running, and we started talking about make-up and how some women can't even go to the mail box without splashing on tons of it on. And I told her that I'm glad she's not one of those coz she's soooo beautiful just the way she is. I love love make-up, but I use it to enhance my God-given beauty, not to create a whole 'nother face. It's hard being a (Black) woman these days. We're bombarded left, right and center about how we should or shouldn't look and you gotta have a strong self-esteem and be self -confident or it'll start getting to you. Nope, self-esteem and self-confidence are not the same thing. You can have confidence in yourself and/abilities and lack self-esteem.

From merriam-webster.com:
Self-esteem: a confidence and satisfaction in oneself, self-respect
Self-confidence: confidence in oneself and in one's powers and abilities


I have great self-esteem, I think I'm the shyt! lol I'm so in tune with my star playa it's ridicules.



And ladies, lemme let you in on a lil secret. Fvck your L. Vuitton bags, Gucci clothes and Louboutin pumps. You can look like the baddest chick walking this earth, but all that aint shyt if you lack self-esteem. The most valuable accessory you can parade around is self-esteem and confidence. No amount of top notch, Hollywood make-up or designer clothes can make you feel good if you have low self-esteem. It's sexy as hell. And that, my friend, aint anything you can buy at the store. It comes from within.

 



Many physically gorgeous women walk around feeling like nothing because they need validation of their greatness by other people. So how they feel about themselves is completely in the hands of other people, which is very very sad. Stop believing what the media feeds us, NOBODY is perfect. All those pictures of "perfect" women on magazine covers are PHOTOSHOPPED. We all have stretchmarks and cellulite, some of us have bad skin. Yes, those heffas got the same problems. So why are you trying to be perfect?

Have you ever seen a Morris Chestnut look-alike walking around with a not so physically attractive woman (yea yea yea I know attractiveness is subjective but there are universally FOINE people out there, people we all can agree on are gorgeous) and you thought to yourself DAMN!!! how the hell did she snag him?? She might not be a 10, but SHE thinks she's a 10 and that's ALL that matters and it's sexy and attractive. If you think you're the shyt, you'll give out those vibes and other people will start thinking you're the shyt. Other people see you through your lenses. You are your star playa. Katt Williams said it best, you have to be in tune with your star playa. Fvck what they talkin about, how are YOU doin today? 

Take a good look in the mirror every day and love the person you see. Stand there until you get in tune with your star playa. If you like yourself, other people will like you...and if they don't them fvck'em!! lol

~I'm the Boss Lady~

Holding On When There's Nothing To Hold On To

I'm a huge fan of marriage. I believe in this beautiful union that binds 2 people together, for better and for worse - man & woman, woman &woman, man & man - it really doesn't matter. Anti-gay people please get over yourselves! Two people who decide to share their lives together is a beautiful thing. Now, people get married for a lot of different reasons. Yeah, love is a wonderful thing, but that alone aint gonna keep a couple together. Fvck what you heard! And it sure as hell aint gonna pay the bills or put food on the table. A marriage needs a solid foundation in order for it to blossom in a healthy manner. And even then, with a diamond solid foundation, a marriage can still deteriorate.

I know some people end their marriages for some stupid shyt. Some people don't even try, I guess when the honeymoon phase wears off and reality kicks in they don't want to face the ugly truth. BUT some people stay when there's nothing left. Just because you vowed to stay with someone forever doesn't mean that you have to put up with shyt. Sometimes you just have to throw in the towel and call it quits, and there is no shame in that. Sometimes you gotta know when to leave and you might just be better off.

Photo: diyfather.com

Even though divorce is much more common in the Gambian society now, women are still side-eyed when they decide to leave their husbands. You're supposed to stay in the marriage for the kids, and make it work regardless. That is sooooo wrong!! Sometimes kids are better off with their parents apart. Kids aren't stupid, they know when things aint right. When mama's sad and miserable, the kids know.

I hate when I hear Gambians say about a woman what a good wife she is because she's keeping her marriage together when errbody can see that he's an azz-hole and good-for-nothing-husband. Marriage is not the end all-be all for women. Please stop brainwashing little girls into believing that a husband is the best thing that could happen to her.

More Gambian women - African women in general- are getting an education and careers and increasingly independent. Many women don't need a man to take care of them (being financially dependent), one of the major reasons women stayed in fvcked-up marriages, coz where would they go if they left their husbands? Many women have a choice now, even the choice to NOT get married. Although according to what I've heard growing up, a husband is a woman's key to Jannah (Islamic conception of paradise) - I'm not really sure what the Quran says about that. Either way, ladies: it's better to be happy on your own than miserable with a douche-bag. I can do bad all by myself comes to mind..............

~I'm the Boss Lady~

Friendships Are Like Bank Accounts

Friendships are like bank accounts

I think friend is on of the most abused words ever. Right next to love. How many times do we just throw the word friend around? She's a friend of mine. He's an old friend. There's a world of difference between an acquaintance and a friend. We all have plenty of acquaintances, but how many of us have true friends?

I'm truly blessed with true friends. I have a few friends that I know I can count on no matter what. I've written before about the importance of maintaining the bond to your girlfriends. After a lot of shyt that has went down with "friends" I had to reevaluate who I call friends. Hell, I'll be the first to admit that I've been too damn trusting and naive about people. I used to think that if i treat a person as a friend, that the person will treat me likewise uhm..no ma'am, it doesn't work that way. People are just fvcked up like that. And if you didn't see it coming then you're in for a big-azz surpise.

 See, friendships are very much like bank accounts. In order for a bank account to balance, you have to make deposits as well as withdrawals. No, I aint talking about a damn credit account lol but a debit account. This is how friendships are, you give (deposit) and you take (withdraw). Do you know what happens with your account if you keep withdrawing excessively? Yup, a negative balance and a shytload of overdraft fees. And no, you can't close the account until you pay them their money. I apply this logic to friendships. Sometimes you have to delete the whole gotdamn account because of it's toxic nature. I found myself doing just that....closing friendship accounts that just didn't balance, and boi what a relief!

Letting go of someone you considered a friend is almost as painful as losing a boyfriend. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that someone I loved and treated like a sister would be so trifling. Was it something I did or said? Didn't do or say? Either way, the friendship account is closed, terminated, finito! You can no longer enjoy the services of my bank. You can come inside the bank - meaning that we're cool, I'll say whatup when we meet and shyt, but you can no longer enjoy the services of said bank. You've violated the terms, conditions and agreements so now your trifling behind can open an account in another bank. Ima burn this muthafvckin bridge on your azz. Good riddance!

Now I can spend quality time with my true friends, those who wish me nothing but good in life, those who have no envy or resentment, those who cheer me on when something good happens to me and stand by my side when life gets rough....


~I'm the Boss Lady~


 

The Wife, The Side H*es And The Kids

More like the sperminator...douche!

Unless you've been living under a rock these last couple of weeks you've heard about Arnold Schwarzenegger and his nasty, cheating azz. This moodasuka right here...SMDH. It's not that I'm surprised, oh no! Not at all.....I'm surprised his bullsh!t hasn't surfaced sooner. He must've spent major dineros to keep that on the DL. He took cheating to a whole 'nother level! The maid??? THE MAID??? For more than a decade? In the same house as your wife and kids?? Hell to the muthaf*ckin NO! If I was Maria Shriver I'd kill the bastard and his side hoe. And now they saying that there're other kids. Girl, you better take his azz to the cleaners. I never thought I'd say this, but this actually shows different degrees of creepin. Not only did you cheat, but you had unprotected sex with some heffas AND got them pregnant while I'm writing her paycheck?? Yup, that's ......for a lack of a better term....bad.

LOL when I told BossMama about the cheating bastard, she didn't even bat an eyelid. She was like..."oh ok.." and went about her business. This shyt happens in Gambia all the damn time. Don't even front, I'm sure you have a daddy or granddaddy family member with children outside his marriage. My own grandfather had three kids with his mistress - true story. It's so ingrained in our society that women are brainwashed to believe your husband impregnating another woman aint a deal breaker. Yes, I'm for real. Goor goor la - something along the lines of boys will be boys. I say BULLCRAP!!

It seems as if Gambian men are given a license to cheat. And they don't even look at it as cheating....more like exercising their varieties. Women look the other way when their husbands are cheating. I'm not even talking about smashing one time, I'm talking about the mistress and the whole nine. To each their own I guess. I think it's very much a cultural thing....why we're not trying to get rid of this nastiness I don't know, with all the diseases around. The thing I don't get is this: why the hell is it always the other woman that gets heat?? Why do the wives always go after the side-hoe? Check yo husband! He's the one who owes you obligations and not the mistress. She's trifling and nasty, but she still doesn't owe you shyt.

Culture or no culture, cheating is mos def a major deal breaker in my book. And I'm sure if more Gambian wives adopted the same philosophy, many of these cheating azz-holes will think twice before they think about putting their nasty penises in any maid.  

 

~I'm the Boss Lady~

Black Women Are Less Attractive Than Other Women????

This is why they mad!!

By now yall probably heard about the article on Psychology Today that appeared earlier this week - and later removed or I would've linked the article right here- "Why are African-American women less physically attractive than other women?". I tell ya, this obsession with Black women is getting completely out of hand. No, I really don't get the obsession - well I do-WE ROCK! If we're so hideous why not leave us be. We're fat, unattractive, loud, have more testosterone than other women, and - still according to the article - we think we're THE SHYT! LOL LOL

Please note down this name Satoshi Kanazawa, the "scientist" who wrote these groundbreaking findings. I bet he got rejected by a Black Woman and decided to get back at ALL Black Women. 


All jokes aside though, don't get fooled by all the hoopla. It's all a smoke screen for what's really going on. Ever since Michelle Obama became the First Lady there's been a systematic demonization of the Black Woman. I guess the thought of an Ivy League educated, intelligent, beautiful, articulate, classy woman as a loving wife to the most powerful man on the planet - a BLACK MAN- is too much to bear for white America. Add to the fact that Black Women are breaking out and setting our own standards of beauty where we embrace our hair, complexion, and bodies instead of the Western standard of beauty. It's time to stop using White women as the standard of beauty that all women are measured against. WE ARE BEAUTIFUL! They know that and want to make sure that we don't. 

Kanazawa you need more people!! LOL

To my Sistren I say: stand tall and know that you're BEAUTIFUL. We come in all sizes, shades and with different hair textures. Our diversity is what makes us so unique. Black Queens I salute you!


~I'm the Boss Lady~

Brothas, Please Work On Your Mack Game!

From urbandictionary.com
Mack- (verb) To hit on, flirt with, or seduce a female by using verbal or sometimes physical means of persuasion.

A few years ago I was in Paris with a brotha to represent a youth organization at a UN conference. Every time I think of that trip I start laughing my azz off. This brotha is a funny and very handsome fella. While walking through the streets of Paris he decided to work on his mack game. We went into a pâtisserie to get some of that great French pastries. The girl behind the counter was really cute, but didn't speak a word of English. We had to point at what we wanted. Then brothaman looked her straight in the eye, tilted his head a bit to the side and said:  if you were a burger at McDonald's I'd call you Mcbeautiful! OOOOMMMMGGG!!! I almost flatlined from laughing so hard. The girl just gave him an empty look like WTF is wrong with you??


I'm sure he's worked on his mack game since then cuz he's now married with kids LOL. Which brings me to my point. The art of approaching a lady is very delicate. Noticed that I said ladies and not chicken heads, little girls (grown azz women who act like girls) or hood rats. Yes, ladies....i don't care what you say, you get approached exactly the way you act and dress. You dress and act like a classless bird, that's exactly how you get treated. Unfortunately, some brothas just have no clue what so ever. You can look and act like Mrs. Obama and still get modasookas coming up to you with some bullsh!t line. 


Bullsh!t lines and dis-respectfulness I can deal with, it' the funny ones that have me cracking up. Yall African ladies know what I'm talking about. This just happened to me and no I couldn't make it up if I tried:


Brothaman: *in a very heavy West African accent* heelllooo my sista!
Me: *removing my headphones from my ears* hi....
BM: Where you from?
Me: Gambia
BM: Oh, I'm from Cameroon. You live here?
Me: No
BM: I would like to know you oohhh....you are very pretty lady oohhh
Me: ooookkk....well I'm married. 
BM: Oh that's fine...I just want to be your friend.
Me: I have enough friends....don't really want another friend.
BM: You're not allowed to have friends?? I just want to be your friend.
Me: there's my train! 
BM: sooo can I have your number?? I can call you and we talk...
Me: *roll my eyes and hop on the train*


NO NO NO!!! That is NOT  the right way to holla! Argh! You'd think it's only the brothas fresh of the boat who do that, but you'd be wrong. Some brothas even get mad when you turn them down, like you should feel special for being approached. Um...dude, unless you look anything like this.....   

.......corny lines will get you no play. Now, there's corny and there's disrespectful. I'll straight ignore your trfling azz for the latter, even if you look like one of these fine azz specimen. Have men forgotten how to approach women nowadays? Or have women lowered their standards to a bare minimum? Whatever happened to: hello, my name is x,y,z and I'd like to get to know you...? I blame the women. I've seen women answer to the most disrespectful and foolish calls - the pssst! eeey! and all kinds of bullsh!t. Can all the real gentlemen - and ladies- please stand up??    









~I'm the Boss Lady~ 

Looking For Love - The Bachelor Edition

Ok, don't judge me.....well actually you can judge me coz I reserve the right to judge other people who watch trashy reality TV. I've been watching a few episodes of the Bachelor. BossMama loves that sh!t, she's totally in to it. She'd go on and on about Chantal and Emily, who's trifling and who deserves a rose and who should go home. Heck, she even got BossPapa watching that mess. So I sat down to watch, and I even caught the season finale when the sucker a.k.a the bachelor proposed to his "love".

For those of you who have no idea (or just don't give a damn) what the Bachelor is, lemme break it down to you. An eligible bachelor gets to choose from a group of 25 single women. The women live together in a house and have dates with the bachelor, either single dates or group dates. First of all, a group of women living in a house and all fighting for the same guy is a crazy concept. But the show takes female drama to a whole 'nother level with all that scripted bullcrap.  The women are then eliminated through an idiotic and "dramatic" rose ceremony. The ones who get eliminated are all distraught and in tears talking about how much they love him and how much they're hurting.

To that my natural reaction is a mean azz side eye like------------->
Really?? REALLY? You've know this guy for a few weeks and now you just know that he's the one for you? That yall have a connection?? o____O Alrighty then. Anyhoo, this guy makes out with most of these heffas and the last two standing get to meet his family and they all get to choose their favorite. The bachelor proclaims his love for these ladies and he's soooo heartbroken when he can only pick one, to whom he proposed to. Oh, did I forget to tell you that this particular bachelor has been on the show before? Yeah, this is his second time looking for love and this time he "has a connection that he's never felt before". LOL

I'm a sucker for love. I'm all for finding that special someone to spend your life with. I'm a true believer in the institution of marriage. Marriage is sacred in my book, and when I do get married I hope it's for life. I think shows like the Bachelor makes a mockery of this sacred union. Personally, I don't think a guy messing around with a bunch of women before finally choosing me, is a great catch. Eeewww!! Shows like these are one of the reasons that divorces are at an all time high these days. Every other marriage never make it. With divorce being so rampant, why are we buying into the Hollywood crap about prince charming, the one, the soul-mate? I've never been married, but my folks have been married for 35 years and I know it aint all been sunshine and rainbows. Marriage is hard work. Finding a life partner shouldn't be taken as lightly as we're fooled to believe.

I dunno....maybe people just want to be entertained. The problem is when we start confusing entertainment with reality. Coz realit is, there aint sh!t real about realtyTV.



~I'm the Boss Lady~

Good girls vs. Bad Girls

Gambians who grew up in Norway will definitely feel me on this. I'm not talking about the ones who came here as adolescents or young adults, I'm talking about the ones that were born and bred here and/or the ones who came here as kids. The reason I make this distinction is because there's a great divide between us and "them". The newcomers. I don't know why this is - well actually I do know. Those of us who are raised here are considered "toubabs". Up until my early twenties I was obsessed with trying to fit in, to conform to whatever is considered Gambian enough. Every time I heard a story of a bi-racial person (in this case a person of Gambian and Norwegian heritage) telling a sad story about how they never fit in, I soooo could relate. I felt the exact same way.

Growing up, my parents were super strict. I mean, SUPER STRICT. BossMama didn't play, lemme tell you. I wasn't allowed to do shit! "Good girls" are supposed to be at home and taught how to be good wives and mothers, and not become "idle" or "perdy" which basically means a fast girl. Can you imagine how that's like as a teenager? I had to sneak out to go to house parties and other festivities. Like Chris Rock said, I lied so much to my parents that it damned near became a language. I got so used to lying about sh!t that I even lied even sh!t I didn't have to lie about. Damn shame. I grew up with Norwegian kids and it was hard explaining to them why my parents wouldn't let me do certain things even after I turned 18, which is the age when you're considered an adult. Nah son, at my house it was more like "as long as you live under my roof....". And I lived under their roof....till I turned 25. You thought I'd be free then, huh? Wrong!

See, in our culture there's this thing called reputation. Having a good reputation is all that matters, cuz like BossMama says: people are watching your every move and they'll be talking. And the funny thing is, the people with the most skeletons in their closets, the people with the most sh!t, are always the ones talking. And they can't wait for you to fvck up somehow so they can talk about so and so's child did such and such. Like b!tch, do you know what YOUR child is doing???




It took me a long time to get to a point where I don't give a sh!t about other people and what they think about me and whether or not I'm Gambian enough or too Norwegian. The sad thing is that I see many young Gambian women who were born and bred here who turned to one of "them". They felt like they had to confirm to stheir way to be accepted, which is all fine and dandy. All I ask for is for not to be judged, that's all. I'm sick and tired of these gossip b!tches talking sh!t about other people's kids when errbody know what their kids are up to, like creeping with married men. And yeah, we know that those orange drinks you so-called good girls drink at those Gambian parties are boozed up like a muthaf*cka! Stop the hypocrisy, just because you aint doing your dirt out in the open doesn't mean that people don't know. Tell yo mama to stop talking sh!t about other people's kids coz we KNOW what her kid is doing.....

~I'm the Boss Lady~

Lets Talk About Sex

Gambian society, like the majority of the world, is governed as a patriarchy. Some countries more than others. Patriarchy is more evident in developing countries where the gender roles are more distinct. 

From the freedictionary.com:

pa·tri·ar·chy 

n. pl. pa·tri·ar·chies In both senses also called patriarchate.

1. A social system in which the father is the head of the family and men have authority over women and children.

2. A family, community, or society based on this system or governed by men

Basically rules and regulations are made by men and for men. And this includes the rules of sexual conduct. As an Anthropology major I could go on and on about this topic, but for now I want to focus on women's sexuality. Gambia is a Muslim state, but I'd call us liberal Muslims. Women are not forced to cover themselves even though some lil girls should be. I was in Gambia for the Christmas/New Year holidays and lemme tell you: you go to the club and it looks like the set of a Snoop Dogg music video. Little girls walking around with titties and azzes all hanging out. But I digress.

Along with everything else in society, women's sexuality is controlled by the patriarchy. When a young woman gets married, she's expected to be a virgin on her wedding night. Things have loosened up quite a bit since our parents' generation, but a virgin is still celebrated in our day -  especially tribes like the Mandinkas and the Fulanis. I'm not even gonna touch the subject of female genital mutilation (FGM) as a means to control a woman's sexuality, that's a different post for a another day. I just want to discuss the hypocrisy of this virgin-on-the-wedding-night crap. Yes, I said! IT'S COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSH!T!

First of all, we're living in the 21 century and the sexual revolution waves have hit many remote societies. Looking back in history, I understand why there was a need to keep the women in check. That was the only way for a man to know that his offspring were indeed his own. And also, religion has played a major part as it states that sex belongs within the bonds of matrimony. Don't get me wrong, anyone who believes that sex belongs only in a marriage and are saving themselves for wedding night is in their right to do so. I respect that. What I have an issue with is the goddamn judgmental hypocrites.





I don't believe in saving yourself for marriage, especially since it only applies to women and not men. I would never marry a man I haven't had sex with, even the thought of it is ludicrous. If you knew that the one car you buy is the one you're stuck with for the rest of your life, would you go into a car dealership, find a seemingly good car and buy it without test driving it first? No? I didn't think so. The most hilarious sh!t I hear is men who claim to want to marry virgins. This is how I feel about them:

I bet cha those same men have smashed every nasty p*ssy they could come over and now they wanna marry a virgin. Get the f*ck outta here! This hypocrisy in our society has forced many young women to fake their virginity. I know many a Gambian bride here in Norway who claimed to be virgins on their wedding nights who were straight up LYING. These little heffas and their mothers making a big deal out of their "pure" daughters when we all know that she's been on her back more than a professional wrestler. And their mamas know too! Stop it!! It makes all of you look like idiots. The groom is also in on the f*ckery. It's insane, really. What is the big deal about entering marriage as a virgin? Does that make you a better wife and/or mother?

Sex is a beautiful thing, and a natural part of life. I would never expect or teach my future daughter to practice abstinence before marriage. Instead I will her early on about sexuality and contraceptives. I will teach her to make wise decisions when the time comes, and implement in her a healthy view on sex and sexuality. I'll teach her that women are sexual beings just like men, we like and enjoy sex just as much as men. If you have a pool and don't teach your kids how to swim, they will drown in it. Even if you told them NOT to get in the pool, guess what? The second you leave the house, they'll jump right in. Just because young women are supposed to save themselves for marriage doesn't mean that they do. Just look at the teen mom statistics in Gambia.

~I'm the Boss Lady~

Life Lessons of a 30 Something

Age aint nothing but a number...lol

I love birthdays, I really do. I make it a point to remember people's birthdays, especially those people close to me. My birthday was last month and I've been doing a lot of reflecting since then. It aint like I had a big-azz party or anything like that. I'm just so grateful to be around....ya know? After you go through certain crises, trials and tribulations you learn to appreciate the gift of life. I turned 30 three years ago and boi oh boi, I could write a book about all that went down in the last three years. WOW!! Anyhoo, I made a list when I turned the big 3-0 called: "After 30 years of living in this world....this is what I've learned". These life lessons are still on point, some more than others. Here it goes:


1. Family is everything
Every day I wake up and I'm so grateful for my family. I realize that there are many people who aren't as fortunate as me, coz there are some f*cked up families out there, that take dysfunctional to a whole 'nother level. I love my family. My siblings keep me grounded and I know my parents would give their lives for me in a heart beat. What a blessing.... 

2. Tell your loved ones that you love them…it might be the last time you see them
Death is a natural part of life, but losing someone is always heartbreaking. I've got much better at letting my loved ones know how much I love them, especially after being confronted with my own mortality.

3. The people closest to you will hurt you the most
This one is the most painful of truths to admit. I've lost a few people in my life that I considered very close friends. Sometimes they hurt you so bad that you have keep them out of your life for good. I think those people were brought into your life for a purpose and when that purpose is fulfilled you have to move on. It hurts like hell, but I accept it and keep it moving.

4. People come in and out of your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime
All three are equally important....treasure the ones who are in it for a lifetime.

5. There is no such thing as a soul mate!!!
LOL that's what I believed then, but now.....I've met the love of my life. Is he my soul mate? I still believe there's no such thing, only someone who's perfect for you.

6. Faith will get you through rough times
AMEN AMEN AMEN. I believe that the Most High has a plan and purpose for all of us, you just gotta find yours.

7. Love hurts
Yes, indeed! But when you love someone you try your best not to hurt them. Forgiveness is a powerful thing...

8. Enjoy the small things in life and don’t take them for granted
Three years ago a friend of mine died in a car accident the day after he graduated from college, 25 years old. Last summer another young man I knew died in a car accident, 26 years old. Both left sons behind. Life is so fragile.....treasure it.

9. Real friends will stay by your side in rainy days
I have great friends, REAL friends. I thank God for them every day.

10. Just because you love a man unconditionally doesn’t mean he’ll love you the same way
Find a man who loves you and stop chasing the one who doesn't.

11. Real friends are hard to find
That's why I take care of the ones I have.

12. Learn to forgive, it’ll set you free
13. You can NEVER change your mother (lol)
14. Sorry is the hardest thing to say
It takes a big person to acknowledge own wrongdoings and say sorry.
 
15. Crying is the best therapy
I've cried a river and a half since I first wrote this. Realest words ever.

16. NOTHING can replace a mother’s love
BossMama told me once that no woman can love you like your own mother and I believe that.

17. Every girl needs her daddy
Just look at all the women walking around with daddy issues and you'll understand why daddy is so important in a girl's life. Your first relationship with any guy is with your daddy, make sure it's a good one.

18. A smile can get you very far
A smiling face is a beautiful face. Stop the damn mugging and show the pearly whites :)

19. Distance separates
20. Jobs come and go
21. Don’t put money over people
When the money is gone then what? It's a cliché for a reason, but money will never buy you things like love, loyalty, and respect.

22. Take care of your girlfriends
23. Don’t buy into the Hollywood hype, “The One” DOES NOT exist!!!
I think the movie "Jerry Maguire" got a lot of women and men fooled. Talkin' about you complete me. A complete load of crap. Find someone who loves, cherishes and most importantly respects you. Stop that foolishness of holding on to someone who aint sh!t because (s)he's "the one".

24. Don’t go for looks and money when looking for a man
Looks IS important, don't let anyone fool you. But as you age and become more mature (well some of us at least), you put more emphasis on personal qualities besides looks. What? You'd prefer a rich, handsome azz-hole? I KNOW some women do, though....

25. Friends grow apart
This one I've also had a hard time accepting, especially when you've been friends for so long. But you just gotta let go.

26. Don’t judge people before you get to know them
27. Your heart will get broken, over and over and over…..every time you bounce back it will make you stronger
Such is life. You have to feel pain and heartache in order to appreciate the good and beautiful things in life.

28. Crying is not a sign of weakness
29. There’s always going to be someone who doesn’t like you – just say f*ck it and move on
The worst and most exhausting thing to do is worry about what other people think. It's hard, I know, but once you stop....it's sooooo liberating!

30. Never look for a man to “complete” you
If you're looking for a man to complete you, then girlfriend you've got major issues. Complete your own damn self into a whole individual before you go looking for someone. See #23

31. Never lose touch with your inner child
I LOVE children but not the rejects from hell. Children are so pure and innocent. Have you noticed how they get fascinated with the smallest things or find joy in everything they do? The older we get the more cynical we are, and start taking things for granted. Sad....

32. Never underestimate the power of prayers
33. A good laugh cleanses the soul
I believe laughter is for the soul what detox is for the body. There may be tens of thousands of languages in the world, but laughter is universal. CHEESE!


I wonder what other lessons life has in store for me. You live and you learn......




~I'm the Boss Lady~