Lets Talk About Sex

Gambian society, like the majority of the world, is governed as a patriarchy. Some countries more than others. Patriarchy is more evident in developing countries where the gender roles are more distinct. 

From the freedictionary.com:

pa·tri·ar·chy 

n. pl. pa·tri·ar·chies In both senses also called patriarchate.

1. A social system in which the father is the head of the family and men have authority over women and children.

2. A family, community, or society based on this system or governed by men

Basically rules and regulations are made by men and for men. And this includes the rules of sexual conduct. As an Anthropology major I could go on and on about this topic, but for now I want to focus on women's sexuality. Gambia is a Muslim state, but I'd call us liberal Muslims. Women are not forced to cover themselves even though some lil girls should be. I was in Gambia for the Christmas/New Year holidays and lemme tell you: you go to the club and it looks like the set of a Snoop Dogg music video. Little girls walking around with titties and azzes all hanging out. But I digress.

Along with everything else in society, women's sexuality is controlled by the patriarchy. When a young woman gets married, she's expected to be a virgin on her wedding night. Things have loosened up quite a bit since our parents' generation, but a virgin is still celebrated in our day -  especially tribes like the Mandinkas and the Fulanis. I'm not even gonna touch the subject of female genital mutilation (FGM) as a means to control a woman's sexuality, that's a different post for a another day. I just want to discuss the hypocrisy of this virgin-on-the-wedding-night crap. Yes, I said! IT'S COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSH!T!

First of all, we're living in the 21 century and the sexual revolution waves have hit many remote societies. Looking back in history, I understand why there was a need to keep the women in check. That was the only way for a man to know that his offspring were indeed his own. And also, religion has played a major part as it states that sex belongs within the bonds of matrimony. Don't get me wrong, anyone who believes that sex belongs only in a marriage and are saving themselves for wedding night is in their right to do so. I respect that. What I have an issue with is the goddamn judgmental hypocrites.





I don't believe in saving yourself for marriage, especially since it only applies to women and not men. I would never marry a man I haven't had sex with, even the thought of it is ludicrous. If you knew that the one car you buy is the one you're stuck with for the rest of your life, would you go into a car dealership, find a seemingly good car and buy it without test driving it first? No? I didn't think so. The most hilarious sh!t I hear is men who claim to want to marry virgins. This is how I feel about them:

I bet cha those same men have smashed every nasty p*ssy they could come over and now they wanna marry a virgin. Get the f*ck outta here! This hypocrisy in our society has forced many young women to fake their virginity. I know many a Gambian bride here in Norway who claimed to be virgins on their wedding nights who were straight up LYING. These little heffas and their mothers making a big deal out of their "pure" daughters when we all know that she's been on her back more than a professional wrestler. And their mamas know too! Stop it!! It makes all of you look like idiots. The groom is also in on the f*ckery. It's insane, really. What is the big deal about entering marriage as a virgin? Does that make you a better wife and/or mother?

Sex is a beautiful thing, and a natural part of life. I would never expect or teach my future daughter to practice abstinence before marriage. Instead I will her early on about sexuality and contraceptives. I will teach her to make wise decisions when the time comes, and implement in her a healthy view on sex and sexuality. I'll teach her that women are sexual beings just like men, we like and enjoy sex just as much as men. If you have a pool and don't teach your kids how to swim, they will drown in it. Even if you told them NOT to get in the pool, guess what? The second you leave the house, they'll jump right in. Just because young women are supposed to save themselves for marriage doesn't mean that they do. Just look at the teen mom statistics in Gambia.

~I'm the Boss Lady~

Life Lessons of a 30 Something

Age aint nothing but a number...lol

I love birthdays, I really do. I make it a point to remember people's birthdays, especially those people close to me. My birthday was last month and I've been doing a lot of reflecting since then. It aint like I had a big-azz party or anything like that. I'm just so grateful to be around....ya know? After you go through certain crises, trials and tribulations you learn to appreciate the gift of life. I turned 30 three years ago and boi oh boi, I could write a book about all that went down in the last three years. WOW!! Anyhoo, I made a list when I turned the big 3-0 called: "After 30 years of living in this world....this is what I've learned". These life lessons are still on point, some more than others. Here it goes:


1. Family is everything
Every day I wake up and I'm so grateful for my family. I realize that there are many people who aren't as fortunate as me, coz there are some f*cked up families out there, that take dysfunctional to a whole 'nother level. I love my family. My siblings keep me grounded and I know my parents would give their lives for me in a heart beat. What a blessing.... 

2. Tell your loved ones that you love them…it might be the last time you see them
Death is a natural part of life, but losing someone is always heartbreaking. I've got much better at letting my loved ones know how much I love them, especially after being confronted with my own mortality.

3. The people closest to you will hurt you the most
This one is the most painful of truths to admit. I've lost a few people in my life that I considered very close friends. Sometimes they hurt you so bad that you have keep them out of your life for good. I think those people were brought into your life for a purpose and when that purpose is fulfilled you have to move on. It hurts like hell, but I accept it and keep it moving.

4. People come in and out of your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime
All three are equally important....treasure the ones who are in it for a lifetime.

5. There is no such thing as a soul mate!!!
LOL that's what I believed then, but now.....I've met the love of my life. Is he my soul mate? I still believe there's no such thing, only someone who's perfect for you.

6. Faith will get you through rough times
AMEN AMEN AMEN. I believe that the Most High has a plan and purpose for all of us, you just gotta find yours.

7. Love hurts
Yes, indeed! But when you love someone you try your best not to hurt them. Forgiveness is a powerful thing...

8. Enjoy the small things in life and don’t take them for granted
Three years ago a friend of mine died in a car accident the day after he graduated from college, 25 years old. Last summer another young man I knew died in a car accident, 26 years old. Both left sons behind. Life is so fragile.....treasure it.

9. Real friends will stay by your side in rainy days
I have great friends, REAL friends. I thank God for them every day.

10. Just because you love a man unconditionally doesn’t mean he’ll love you the same way
Find a man who loves you and stop chasing the one who doesn't.

11. Real friends are hard to find
That's why I take care of the ones I have.

12. Learn to forgive, it’ll set you free
13. You can NEVER change your mother (lol)
14. Sorry is the hardest thing to say
It takes a big person to acknowledge own wrongdoings and say sorry.
 
15. Crying is the best therapy
I've cried a river and a half since I first wrote this. Realest words ever.

16. NOTHING can replace a mother’s love
BossMama told me once that no woman can love you like your own mother and I believe that.

17. Every girl needs her daddy
Just look at all the women walking around with daddy issues and you'll understand why daddy is so important in a girl's life. Your first relationship with any guy is with your daddy, make sure it's a good one.

18. A smile can get you very far
A smiling face is a beautiful face. Stop the damn mugging and show the pearly whites :)

19. Distance separates
20. Jobs come and go
21. Don’t put money over people
When the money is gone then what? It's a cliché for a reason, but money will never buy you things like love, loyalty, and respect.

22. Take care of your girlfriends
23. Don’t buy into the Hollywood hype, “The One” DOES NOT exist!!!
I think the movie "Jerry Maguire" got a lot of women and men fooled. Talkin' about you complete me. A complete load of crap. Find someone who loves, cherishes and most importantly respects you. Stop that foolishness of holding on to someone who aint sh!t because (s)he's "the one".

24. Don’t go for looks and money when looking for a man
Looks IS important, don't let anyone fool you. But as you age and become more mature (well some of us at least), you put more emphasis on personal qualities besides looks. What? You'd prefer a rich, handsome azz-hole? I KNOW some women do, though....

25. Friends grow apart
This one I've also had a hard time accepting, especially when you've been friends for so long. But you just gotta let go.

26. Don’t judge people before you get to know them
27. Your heart will get broken, over and over and over…..every time you bounce back it will make you stronger
Such is life. You have to feel pain and heartache in order to appreciate the good and beautiful things in life.

28. Crying is not a sign of weakness
29. There’s always going to be someone who doesn’t like you – just say f*ck it and move on
The worst and most exhausting thing to do is worry about what other people think. It's hard, I know, but once you stop....it's sooooo liberating!

30. Never look for a man to “complete” you
If you're looking for a man to complete you, then girlfriend you've got major issues. Complete your own damn self into a whole individual before you go looking for someone. See #23

31. Never lose touch with your inner child
I LOVE children but not the rejects from hell. Children are so pure and innocent. Have you noticed how they get fascinated with the smallest things or find joy in everything they do? The older we get the more cynical we are, and start taking things for granted. Sad....

32. Never underestimate the power of prayers
33. A good laugh cleanses the soul
I believe laughter is for the soul what detox is for the body. There may be tens of thousands of languages in the world, but laughter is universal. CHEESE!


I wonder what other lessons life has in store for me. You live and you learn......




~I'm the Boss Lady~

Why You Acting Like You Don't Know Me???

They call me Boss Lady

There're certain things about Norwegian folks that I just will never understand even if I lived here for 100 years. Picture this: you're at a social setting and you're mingling. You chat up with a few people and get to know them a little. You're thinking that it's always nice to meet new people and make new friends, right? That's what I'd be thinking too....Then fast forward two days after the gathering and the nice lady you had such a nice time with will bearly say hello when you meet her in the street. I kid you not. This phenomenon is soooo typical Norwegian and it irks the hell outta me!!! AAARRGGGG! 

Last Friday I went to the mall and met one of the personal trainers from my gym. I've had two training sessions with her and we've had several chats when I meet her at the gym. This bony heffa barely said hello to me when she saw me. I was so excited to see her and she couldn't get outta my sight fast enough. I was like ------------------->>>>>

She better not try to talk to me next time I see her at the gym. Coz...really??? You can only speak to me in that specific setting but not otherwise?? Get the f*ck outta here with that bullsh!t!!

~I'm the Boss Lady~

Are We Failing To Raise Our Boys To Be Men?

Young Simba and his dad, Mufasa from "The Lion King"

(After Mufasa saves Simba and Nala from the hyenas)

Simba: I was just trying to be brave like you.

Mufasa: I'm only brave when I have to be. Simba, being brave doesn't mean you go looking for trouble.

Simba: But you're not scared of anything.

Mufasa: I was today.

Simba: You were?

Mufasa: Yes. I thought I might lose you.

If the Lion King didn't touch some soft corners of your heart then something's wrong with you, for real. The Lion King still remains one of my favorite movies ever. I still tear up when I watch that movie, especially the scene where Simba is sobbing over Mufasa's death.....it touched my soul. I guess it's because I can't imagine losing my own dad. And it brings me to the core of something that's been bothering me for a while. Part of being a great father is teaching your son how to be a man, how to rise up and be a leader and when the time comes, become a great dad as well. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that mothers can't raise their sons without men because their are plenty of women doing a great job and cudos to them. Unfortunately, even more are doing a shitty job at raising boys to men. I really believe that it takes a man to teach a boy how to be one. I'm sure if Sarabi was forced to raise Simba alone she'd do a great job, but she could never teach him how to be a king like Mufasa did. What does that have to do with Gambian boys? I've had several convos with friends about this particular topic, and we've all wondered what the hell is going on with Gambian men nowadays? 

Ok, so there aren't really that many Gambians in Norway compared to for example England or the U.S. But we're here, while I'm still trying to understand why my parents chose to stay in this cold azz country - MADNESS. What is going on??? Let me just say that there are many good Gambian men out there, real men who take care of their families and handle their responsibilities like they should - BossPapa is living proof of that. However, there are far too many who just never grow up and I blame the mothers. The way I see it Gambian women over-coddle their sons and by doing so, cripple them for life. The gender roles are far more traditional in Gambia than in Norway. Little boys don't have to do sh!t, they get warm meals every day, clothes washed and ironed, and bed made. Mama looks the other way, or maybe even encourages him, when if he cheats on his wife. Fast forward to Norway where life is completely different and the son expects wifey to coddle him the same way mama used to. Both him and wifey work full time, but his azz is so used to mama doing everything for him that he expects wifey to do the same thing.

When they're not out hustling and giving honest Gambians a bad rep, they're kicking it at the cafes, pubs, or parks, instead of helping out at home and raising their sons. I understand that we came here to build a better life for ourselves, but damn! This "get rich or die tryin" mentality is slowly destroying us. How can you expect your son to become a productive and contributing member of society, devoted and responsible father, a man and a leader, if you don't follow by example??? Mothers, raise your sons! Ditch that mentality that boys should be catered to because that's a woman's job. Teach him ho to cook, do his laundries, to make his bed, and how to treat women right. Otherwise you're crippling him and the circle will never break.

~I'm the Boss Lady~

My One True Love

Today is the birthday of a very special person, the love and light of my life. It's hard to put into words what you mean to me. My friend, my lover, my confidant, my rock, my joy. When the sun was shining on us you were there with me - we laughed together while the sunbeam kissed our skin. As the rainy days emerged you were still there to offer me a big spot under your umbrella where you kept me safe and dry. 


You are the stars that light up when my days seem dark as night. You bring blue sky in my day when the dark clouds seem to gather. When the going gets tough and I feel like not going, you encourage me to take another step

God did not make you a perfect man, but He made you my perfect match. I love for who you are, for who I am when I'm with you You inspire me to be a better me, to be the best me I can be. To me you are a giant of a man and I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, then you would truely understand your greatness. You are my Mufasa - proud, strong, magnificent, and powerful. I LOVE YOU - deeply, madly, passionately.


Happy birthday, my love. May the Almighty bless you with many many more.








~I'm the Boss Lady~