Good girls vs. Bad Girls

Gambians who grew up in Norway will definitely feel me on this. I'm not talking about the ones who came here as adolescents or young adults, I'm talking about the ones that were born and bred here and/or the ones who came here as kids. The reason I make this distinction is because there's a great divide between us and "them". The newcomers. I don't know why this is - well actually I do know. Those of us who are raised here are considered "toubabs". Up until my early twenties I was obsessed with trying to fit in, to conform to whatever is considered Gambian enough. Every time I heard a story of a bi-racial person (in this case a person of Gambian and Norwegian heritage) telling a sad story about how they never fit in, I soooo could relate. I felt the exact same way.

Growing up, my parents were super strict. I mean, SUPER STRICT. BossMama didn't play, lemme tell you. I wasn't allowed to do shit! "Good girls" are supposed to be at home and taught how to be good wives and mothers, and not become "idle" or "perdy" which basically means a fast girl. Can you imagine how that's like as a teenager? I had to sneak out to go to house parties and other festivities. Like Chris Rock said, I lied so much to my parents that it damned near became a language. I got so used to lying about sh!t that I even lied even sh!t I didn't have to lie about. Damn shame. I grew up with Norwegian kids and it was hard explaining to them why my parents wouldn't let me do certain things even after I turned 18, which is the age when you're considered an adult. Nah son, at my house it was more like "as long as you live under my roof....". And I lived under their roof....till I turned 25. You thought I'd be free then, huh? Wrong!

See, in our culture there's this thing called reputation. Having a good reputation is all that matters, cuz like BossMama says: people are watching your every move and they'll be talking. And the funny thing is, the people with the most skeletons in their closets, the people with the most sh!t, are always the ones talking. And they can't wait for you to fvck up somehow so they can talk about so and so's child did such and such. Like b!tch, do you know what YOUR child is doing???




It took me a long time to get to a point where I don't give a sh!t about other people and what they think about me and whether or not I'm Gambian enough or too Norwegian. The sad thing is that I see many young Gambian women who were born and bred here who turned to one of "them". They felt like they had to confirm to stheir way to be accepted, which is all fine and dandy. All I ask for is for not to be judged, that's all. I'm sick and tired of these gossip b!tches talking sh!t about other people's kids when errbody know what their kids are up to, like creeping with married men. And yeah, we know that those orange drinks you so-called good girls drink at those Gambian parties are boozed up like a muthaf*cka! Stop the hypocrisy, just because you aint doing your dirt out in the open doesn't mean that people don't know. Tell yo mama to stop talking sh!t about other people's kids coz we KNOW what her kid is doing.....

~I'm the Boss Lady~

Are We Failing To Raise Our Boys To Be Men?

Young Simba and his dad, Mufasa from "The Lion King"

(After Mufasa saves Simba and Nala from the hyenas)

Simba: I was just trying to be brave like you.

Mufasa: I'm only brave when I have to be. Simba, being brave doesn't mean you go looking for trouble.

Simba: But you're not scared of anything.

Mufasa: I was today.

Simba: You were?

Mufasa: Yes. I thought I might lose you.

If the Lion King didn't touch some soft corners of your heart then something's wrong with you, for real. The Lion King still remains one of my favorite movies ever. I still tear up when I watch that movie, especially the scene where Simba is sobbing over Mufasa's death.....it touched my soul. I guess it's because I can't imagine losing my own dad. And it brings me to the core of something that's been bothering me for a while. Part of being a great father is teaching your son how to be a man, how to rise up and be a leader and when the time comes, become a great dad as well. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that mothers can't raise their sons without men because their are plenty of women doing a great job and cudos to them. Unfortunately, even more are doing a shitty job at raising boys to men. I really believe that it takes a man to teach a boy how to be one. I'm sure if Sarabi was forced to raise Simba alone she'd do a great job, but she could never teach him how to be a king like Mufasa did. What does that have to do with Gambian boys? I've had several convos with friends about this particular topic, and we've all wondered what the hell is going on with Gambian men nowadays? 

Ok, so there aren't really that many Gambians in Norway compared to for example England or the U.S. But we're here, while I'm still trying to understand why my parents chose to stay in this cold azz country - MADNESS. What is going on??? Let me just say that there are many good Gambian men out there, real men who take care of their families and handle their responsibilities like they should - BossPapa is living proof of that. However, there are far too many who just never grow up and I blame the mothers. The way I see it Gambian women over-coddle their sons and by doing so, cripple them for life. The gender roles are far more traditional in Gambia than in Norway. Little boys don't have to do sh!t, they get warm meals every day, clothes washed and ironed, and bed made. Mama looks the other way, or maybe even encourages him, when if he cheats on his wife. Fast forward to Norway where life is completely different and the son expects wifey to coddle him the same way mama used to. Both him and wifey work full time, but his azz is so used to mama doing everything for him that he expects wifey to do the same thing.

When they're not out hustling and giving honest Gambians a bad rep, they're kicking it at the cafes, pubs, or parks, instead of helping out at home and raising their sons. I understand that we came here to build a better life for ourselves, but damn! This "get rich or die tryin" mentality is slowly destroying us. How can you expect your son to become a productive and contributing member of society, devoted and responsible father, a man and a leader, if you don't follow by example??? Mothers, raise your sons! Ditch that mentality that boys should be catered to because that's a woman's job. Teach him ho to cook, do his laundries, to make his bed, and how to treat women right. Otherwise you're crippling him and the circle will never break.

~I'm the Boss Lady~